smell my finger.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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