No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
