Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
