Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
