There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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