Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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