First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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