At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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