Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
