1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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