i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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