Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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