Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My life is pants optional.
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