ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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