He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
