He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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