So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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