We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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