Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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