I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
