No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
