My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
