my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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