I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
