what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
