and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
should my penis look like a turkey
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
