He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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