Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Please, let me fuck your mom
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
