I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
