Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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