I cockslap morals
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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