Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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