Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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