when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
