Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize