I faked an abortion last night.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
