best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
