She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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