A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So here I am, sexting at work.
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