I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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