I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
