He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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