We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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