I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
