swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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