I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
