How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
