Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
