I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
