The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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