I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
