Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
