Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
