Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
