Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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