I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
