he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just pee around me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
