god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
