i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
