Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
