My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
