Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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