three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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