I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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