I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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