Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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