your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
