Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
