you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
