just tell him i said nine months
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
