there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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