So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know her cup size but not her name....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
