Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
