fuck your aforementioned shoe
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
