Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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