this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
