I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
