I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
